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Advanced Field Trials






I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You will ever be.

Many dog butts I
Sniffed today. I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello there,
Spot - Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so estatic I
Have made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain.
Look world, they strangle me! Ack!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin --
Your foot -- no greater bliss. Well
Maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes. No
Human could love you as much.
Can you deny it?

The cat is not all
Bad. She fills the litter box
With small Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and 'specially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic. Lying beside,
I fart a big one.